So let's start by being real, January was a rough month for me. Just when every one else on the planet seems on fire to resolve to 'do' this or 'do' that, to better themselves, I felt like I was hitting a virtual wall. In the months of October and November I was digging deep and pulling out all stops in my attendance to yoga class, and to eating well. Even as December approached I was still maintaining a pound or so a week, and losing inches. Then it was like I turned some strange corner of doubt and frustration and gave in to bad habits of sugar and night time snacking galore. I also backed off the number of times a week I was making it into yoga. I feel like I just took a giant fall backwards in my goals to the better me and the journey of doing better things for my health.
In the passed week I have had a couple great conversations with some good friends who have spurred me on to leave January where it is, in the past and get moving with the same desires and fire I had back in the fall. They have convinced me to look deeper into the why of what I am doing and to realize that God's plan is for me to strive to be a healthy, productive, woman of God, wife and mother; and in order to accomplish the path He has set before me I need to make those daily, hourly, minute to minute choices that strengthen not only my body and my mind but lift my spirit as well to seek Him and this path of health with all I have.
I have been asked to consider if I truly think I 'deserve' to be a thin person. I do not have a simple answer for that, but I will try and keep it short. First and foremost I think that the Lord created us all differently and that being 5'7" blond and 135 pounds is not the 'norm' that media portrays. I believe that we are created in the divine image of our God and that how we look, is based on many things, our environment and our genetics, to name just two.
I know that I have been a healthy, strong, energetic, person who could go to the gym and knock out an hour of cardio and weights, at 5'5" weighing 155. I was a size 14-16 and felt physically able to take on the world. My health was good, no problems with blood pressure, or cholesterol, or lack of energy.
So I said all that to say this, I do not believe I, or anyone else for that matter, 'deserves' to be skinny or fat, or tall or short, or to be healthy or to have cancer. I don't think it is a matter of deserving, I think that as part of a created world that has been influenced by a corrupted environment we suffer from both self inflicted actions - like eating crappy junk food and not exercising; but we also suffer from genetics that have spent decades deteriorating because those choices. I think that you can make choices every day that better your health, and strengthen your body and still have things about your health be out of your control. I know for me that when I make the choice to get up and go to class and eat the foods that fuel my body in positive ways, I feel much better, I sleep better, etc. I hope that this all makes sense to someone besides me; I know that I long to have a healthy body, Lord willing.
This journey is about to take a sharp turn back to getting things done. I am so grateful for all who continue to encourage me, it has been a blessing to share in the stories of others who are struggling to find the balance to care for themselves and their families as well.
I wanted to be able to share at this point that I was down another 10 pounds, but that is not the kind of month I had. I have how ever managed to take another 1 1/2 inches off my waist and I am glad to be down 3 full sizes in my pants.